The Real Christopher Robin Is A Total Creep

We all know Christopher Robin as the real life boy who spends his time palling around with the lovable Winnie the Pooh. But did you know he really existed?! After watching a recent trailer for the film Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017) we looked into the real Christopher Robin Milne, and boy-oh-boy…

 

 

*shrieks in fear*

 

Oh, bother!

 

This is objectively not a good look for any child. Dark circles under the eyes. Half smirk. The way he is holding that bear’s hand. It should be pointed out that if you stare deep into the boy’s eyes you will hear the whispers of a secret that only the bear knows. And get this, the bear won’t tell.

 

A quote from his Wikipedia points out that…

 

“…Milne acquired a talent for working with his hands. He owned a small tool kit, which he used to disassemble the lock on his nursery door when he was seven years old. By the age of 10, he had modified the works of a grandfather clock and altered a cap gun so that it would shoot real bullets.”

So, what we are looking at is a boy genius who uses his talents to engineer a small (but real) gun? Oh, and bars won’t hold him. Good. So, he’s not just a naughty little boy, rather, a weapon engineer who has a very deep relationship with the dolls in his room? At the very least, I think we can all admit that the boy is up to no good and must be stopped.

 

Jeremy Schmidt

Twitter: @Ocarinaofcrime

Instagram: jes0259

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